Sink (c) Function :
If on the day before an interview the only thought crosses your mind is that how much the sinc function resembles the middle finger sign;then trust me your gonna get screwed in the interview :P

The search for Prince Charming

As a toddler ,one of the my most favourite stories was the one that dad told me.All the 
animal fables seemed too commonplace by comparison.Predictably it was the story 
Cinderella and the  'process of finding Prince Charming'.The story seemed to have it all,the magical fairy Godmother who appeared on occasion to provide love advice ,fancy transport,designer apparel with fashionable accessories and yes, the unforgettable glass slippers which is now at par with Coco Chanel's Little black dress in fairy-tale country ;all this  accomplished with the help of every Godmother's must-have accessory ,the magic wand...

Cinderella goes to the  royal ball in the pumpkin carriage ..dances right into the prince's heart and dashes out at midnight before the magic wears off  conveniently leaving a sparkly shoe behind..All this in a span of a few hours...The smitten prince run a search algorithm which involves all the gals in town trying out the shoe and apparently it fits only her.Imagine,what would happen to the bulk shoe manufacturing industry if this was the norm.She on the other hand,has no qualms marrying a prince who seems to make his decision so impulsively on the basis of a single dance without knowing anything about her.

The Conclusion: True love strikes in a moment and conquers all and then they live happily ever after.The " Attend ball -find target -dance-search -find target again " Algorithm is infallible.


Twenty years and an overdose of a dozen such stories and movies later I write this post 
as an observation of the real world 'find process' in particular amongst the weirdest 
human subspecies who call themselves engineers.This species learns to model all objects 
in nature mathematically,observe and make logical conclusions based on the same for four whole years and all this training is flushed down the drain  in a minute during this 
process.The algorithms are no longer so simple or result oriented.

The decision on the target itself is arbitrary.The real life 'Prince finding process 'no longer takes place in ball rooms but in fancy coffee shops ,college fests,class rooms,office cafeterias and basically any venue that you can dream of.The prince no longer is so impulsive and  fixated on a single person and the female generally is confused and has a million doubts.They spend inane amount of time in coffee shops, talking mundane stuff,sending sappy msgs over sms,take long walks and dedicate songs in fests.The more tech savvy mail each other corny songs written by 17th century poets freshly googled from the net,set soppy caller tunes,ask the other person out for an ieee paper search session( the new fangled/boring replacement for a waltz),talk about their jobs and sometimes write optimised matlab code for denoising filters to prove their mettle.The time spans of the process are comparable to run time of Ekta kapoor serials and the runs are as murky as the serial plots itself.The emotional drama is much more heightened with no ending in sight.

The Conclusion: Newer algorithms are being developed by the species.The observation of this weird behaviour is in progress with no strong conclusions  of successful algorithms in sight and raises deep suspicions on the claims that humans are amongst the most intelligent of God's creation.

moments..

There is magic hidden in an everyday moment...
In the fluffy cloud floating lazily in the azure sky....
In the beautiful rays of sunlight streaming through the bus windows..
In the wind that ruffles your hair on a cool evening...
In the song on the radio that seems to play on cue leaving behind a smile...
In the late night clock tick sounds that counts down to the new dawn
In the evening streets at dusk with the shadow-play of light ..
In the unexpected smiles of strangers as you pass them by 
There's magic to be felt in small moments ...
Telling us gently that someone loving is watching over you...

Breaking the silence......

Today is just another Wednesday night in Pilani,calm,slightly cool ,filled with the sounds of countless crickets chirping outside.But finally I find myself  in front of the comp able to write; after an extended spell of silence.
It has been nearly two months now here in this place, filled  all with the 4 Ds-Disbelief,Despair,Disappointment and Delight in very varied proportions( and mind you ;not the right one to my taste)


Disbelief caused by the fact that I finally made it here,this far, to this totally unexpected place that seems so untouched by time.
Delight -which I feel everyday when I see the clock tower and remind myself how lucky I am to be here after the stormy year that went by.
Despair and Disappointment- On most days when I see my Quiz results hitting rock bottom and know how much more harder I would need to work and how much more I need to improve and initially not making it into the coveted IITs or the IISC or on the days that I totally doubt myself.It totally has been a mixed bag of emotions so far.


But  what I really want to write about is the question- why is it so hard to express yourself on something that matters a lot to you ? Well the answer to that one is still lost on me.There have been so many times that I have sat right here ,in front of the comp in the past few months trying hard to pen my muddled thoughts down on the page and even now as I type ,I have the urge to do a 'CTRL A' + 'DEL' on the whole post.


Why is it that we can think,dream and live on some thoughts but can then never breathe a word about it?This driven mostly with the feeling that whatever we say or write is never even going to measure up to what we FEEL inside.Even to the extent that the thoughts that drive us crazy inside never even seem to seep out sometimes.Well,all we can do is to try and break the supreme numbing silence inside ...And hope that the words come out in a coherent way...


This post is my attempt to do just that,to take that tiny step forward.....and  as I sign off ,I'm just hoping that my gibberish doesn't alarm a lot of people ... n hopefully make atleast a lil sense...

Hope

My soul is dancing like a Dervish,
Spinning in sublime ecstasy,
To the wild rhythm of my throbbing heart
That holds its sway over me....


The last icicles of the long winter of despair have gone
Melted away into the trickling rivers of hope...
The tree of  resilience sprouts new leaves..
Heralding the promise of  beautiful sunny days


Yes,Its finally Spring in my heart....
and I wait now for the flowers of joy to bloom ...

The song of the Seagull

Why does my heart wander about

In quest of the distant pearly shores

With a roving gaze and a restless mind 

forever, I skim the azure skies.....

The burning sun scalding my back 

A broken wing wanting to hold me back

My eye spots the dove's cote below

deceptively inviting in the shade of the mangrove

A longing awakens in my weary breast,

For a warm hearth and a companion heart

Yet deep inside I know this is not to be ..

To fly into the starry heavens is my destiny....

With my heart set on finding the unexplored horizons ,

where unbound waves tumble on stormy ocean shores

and I can fly like the gushing wind -so free...

For a while I perch upon the jagged  rocks ,

feeling the invigorating salty spray of the sea

I dream again of the distant shores....

Of the clear blue sea and smooth golden sands

With a shrill cry,I begin the journey anew..

Flapping my wings I fly afresh

For...my heart is set on the distant shores...

And to fly to them is my destiny ..... 

A good luck charm for happiness... :)

Before I start with the actual post,I want to thank all of you,who have read these random posts and thoughts and given me your honest feedback both positive and negative.There have been a lot more responses than I expected and it has really meant a lot to me..Thank you...

Lately I have been driving myself (and other animals in the radius of a phone call's reach :P ) up a wall.Lots of thoughts constantly running through my head in a really random loopy sequence ..I must add that I'm quite amazed at my increased ability to worry consistently(I'm notoriously inconsistent in everything I do :D) and that of my self esteem  to sink to newer abysmal depths :) 

Anyway the reason I'm writing this here is that somewhere along the way I seem to have lost my 'really happy wild cheshire Cat (crooked toothed) grin' and now I'm missing it badly ...not for its aesthetic value or better put ..the lack thereof :P ....but for what the grin brings with it..the happy flutter in my heart and that amazing 'King of the jungle feeling' .....I'm sure some of you would comprehend what I'm saying cos I think I know a few like me who are also looking for their precious wild cat/animal grins and trying really hard to get it back...This picture above,is for you guys...

Here's the story behind it - I was walking on MG Road today evening,cellphone clutched to my ear busy jabbering ,past this guy who must be in his early thirties sitting on the pavement and sketching with a purpose......with his Legs....He had  no hands ... There he was - someone with limited means for employment and yes definitely not in the best of prosperity...and yet he was doing his bit...sketching for a living and living on his own terms....Quite a picture his life paints for us I must add...

This is the painting I picked from his lot....One of happiness.. A Home for security and trust ,with blooming flowers for happiness ,the tree for its shade in the heat of troubles and the children simply for their enthusiasm to pick up things n try again without the fear of losing...and the open pathway for a free mind and the vibrant colours for a very beautiful life:) By posting this I'm hoping that by looking at this ,whenever  worry lines begin to crease your forehead -you'll take a minute to pause and remember that however bad things may seem there'l always be something you would be able to do to make it better..the gift of touching lives and giving them hope and happiness ,the ability to rise above from your problems and try to stop yourself from worrying your lives away :P...This is my good luck charm to you with the hope that it brings your own grins back and reminds the others who still have theirs to treasure it and keep showing their fangs..oops teeth  :)

So until next time and after that too..Keep Grinning !!:D

New Year's Wishes

Dear Readers ,

       Wishing you a very Happy New year.I know it is a tad late for that but like they say- 'it is better late than never' .

   This is the picture of the Bridge on the River Nethravati taken almost two years ago.This river is the life blood of the city of Mangalore,my Hometown and to me the crossing over of this bridge has always meant - 'coming back home'.Wherever the journey led to or however long it was,when I crossed over, I knew I had returned back to where I belonged.It was the picture I carried with me when I longed for the feeling of comfort in a foreign place and somehow the place, that taught me that I had to travel to other places to see what is in store to know how it feels to come home. 

  So I wish you wherever you are ,I hope you feel at home this year and also that it brings you love from your loved ones and Success in all that you aspire for.Also,there's this urge to write a few blogs on our country-colours,the feel,maybe people-just snapshots of the homeland as I see it.Honestly I do not know to the precise detail,what will be written.That is a surprise,a pleasant one I hope.Well it will not very enlightening or anything too new as my eyes are inexperienced and naive but I do hope I could show you the places around us and how I see it :) 

  So hoping that you will accompany me on this journey.Before we part I just want to greet you again by saying  ' ನಿಮಗೆಲ್ಲರಿಗೂ  ಹೊಸ  ವರ್ಷದ ಶುಭಾಶಯಗಳು '  :)

New Years Eve !

It is finally New Year's Eve.Its just a little less than half an hour for the New Year to begin and the clock is still ticking at its pace as I write this :)

It is a beautiful night tonight.A night with a blue moon high in the sky and an impending eclipse...Quite a few sounds on the balcony outside.Many people Walking around..both drunk and sober:)I'm really peaceful on seeing the moon tonight and as I write this I'm missing my friend who loves the full moon..Im sure tonight she's watching it too ...

Somehow remembering New Year's Eve in Mangalore where there used to be dummies of an old man called 'Christmas Ajja' burnt at midnight on many streets signifying the end of the old year and the beginning of the new.It used to be fun to go and watch the dummies set up and decorated.Sometimes there would people dressed like Santa claus giving us kids a Toffee or two.Its very reassuring to have all these beautiful memories all inside:)

So wishing u have a very beautiful last few moments of this year !!!

Adieu 2009!

As the year is slowly drawing to an end,a bittersweet feeling of nostalgia is taking over.I guess it is that time of year,when most of us stand back and think over about what was ,is and more importantly should be :D

It has truly been an exciting year with many ups and downs,more ups than downs,and for that I'm grateful..:)Leaving a lot of changes in its wake-of new people, many places and more importantly different perspectives to see the world we live in but still keeping some things unchanged ,like the most important ones - the love of a family and the care of cherished old friends..

A beautiful year of many firsts,the first time of being out on the beach at midnight and beyond,flying a kite,the exhilarating first of learning to ride a bike with friends teaching me and crashing on seeing a dustbin,sand pile or any random Uncle(Yo! I am dangerous:P),dancing like crazy with friends on the beach,travelling to the place I always wanted to see,moving into a rented home(and lotsa such other things ;) ),the first real pet,more importantly finding fulfilling friendships with the nicest people and reuniting with some very old ones ...

On the downside,of a year of some lessons learnt the hard way .(well it isn't that bad if one really learnt something)..and the difficult side of finally having to make a few decisions on your own and standing by them in very unsure circumstances ,coupled with the inevitable restlessness and frustration that accompanies any kind of decision making,of learning to believe in oneself at times or cope when you feel alone or lost and of trying to shut out the world to listen in to what your heart wants.

All in all very eventful,I must say!If anybody is reading this out there,please do share your experiences too...For now I'm logging off by wishing you guys a very beautiful year end and hoping all you guys also finish all those last minute resolutions still due for this year :)

Three cheers to true Love !

To the Readers who have still not fainted reading the name of the post in THIS blog ...please do read on.This is a true story which I want to share with you.This is the link to the video which was favourited in a friend's Orkut profile.I assure you ,it will really be worth your time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SkAH5a0ry_M

Love has always been an incomprehensible and sometimes uncomfortable topic ,maybe because it is such an unquantifiable thing.To someone has conditioned herself to think first - of practicality and security it is quite like (please pardon the bad metaphor )finding drinking water in Indian villages- you can't live a good life without it but sometimes the distance you walk to get it is too far and difficult on the rough stone hewd paths..Not surprisingly,I'm falling short of words on this one :)

Anyway without beating around the bush too much,I just wanna say -all of us have different yardsticks regarding the kind of person we want to spend our life with.The question is-do they still hold in situations like the above that life throws at you?Will only your partner's post grad degree and the five figure salary assure you that he/she will take care of you?For some of us who have not found the One yet -I'm sure the video will surely revise our priorities ..atleast it did make me think .The others who have -I wish you well..

Tschuss for now !

Click ! Click ! Click !

A picture truly says a thousand words ....So instead of writing ten thousand, just thought of posting some random images of a few of the most beautiful moments in my life :)

The 11signs that show that you are suffering from ILBD

After careful research and years of procastination on the 'ILBD-Incurable Lazy Bones Disorder' otherwise commonly referred to by the other normal (?) people as -Slacking off,I have made the following observations.The affected person is generally referred to as 'Lazy bones','Sloth bear' and a lot of such other names.It is a very deadly disease generally affecting the Grades of the patient which which vary as per the negative exponential distribution with the 'Slacking time constant -T '.

You may be suffering from this disease if you display any of the following symptoms when your exams are less than two months away-

1. You watch a crappy Hindi movie with corny songs without using the fast forward button upto the end which otherwise you couldn't even stand for five minutes.Please note that the symptoms are of an advanced stage if -- the language is Bhojpuri or has Vijaykant in the lead role.
2. You decide to read some obsolete book which you had stopped reading after the first page two months ago because it was too slow /boring and actually finish it.
3. You call up one or more persons after you read the book or see the movie or both to thrash it and speak for a long time.
4. You decide that solving Hard Sudoku is a true measure of whether you can crack the exams and also a warm up for studying and don't stop until you solve it even if takes an hour.
5. You go into state of depression for the next two days when you couldnt solve the Hard Sudoku or the Crossword and so can't study.
6. You read atleast ten pages of xkcd,phdcomics and /or geeky blogs so that your mind is fresh and finally spend less than half of that time studying.
7. You login into Orkut ,Facebook and such other social networking sites and check your Gmail every ten mins for new mails.Give yourself bonus points for trying to chat up someone everytime you login.
8. You go on a guilt trip after doing all or some of the above and then go and reread your Syllabus book for the fourteenth time and firmly resolve to complete Chapter 2 and 3 .In the next five minutes of your resolve,you decide that you simply have to have a glass of tea and badger your mom for the next thirty mins to make it and then drink it sloooooooowly.
9. You feel drowsy within five-ten minutes of staring at something which remotely resembles the Greek Alphabet and has an Integration sign at the beginning of it.The effect is more pronounced when the Integral in question is a Volume or Surface Integral .
10. You decide that you have a brilliant idea and must absolutely and immediately write a blog on it and then while away your time.
11. You have something worthwhile to do and are still reading this blog.. :) :)

The Cure -- Honestly, I am perfectly clueless.Please do let me know if you find the cure for this ....

Life's background Music

".... My head is spinning round

All my defenses down

I have held the world in my hands

But I can't keep you from slipping away,

If time will show me grace

And you to a better place .... "

The chorus lines of this song were softly playing on my PC today morn as I was sipping tea and staring out of the window..It brought back to my mind, pictures of my old room in Mangalore with the same song playing softly on a well used Stereo player with a head that badly needed a replacement...Its amazing how a single line of an old song can transport you back in time and make you remember even your thoughts at that moment.Richard Marx's voice is still so soothing and captivating now, as it was years ago..I guess some piece of music in every part of our lifetime just stays with us throughout and becomes woven into the tapestry of the background music of our lives...

There has always been a song for every special occasion...

One that I must have played a gazillion times thinking of my first crush to soothe my bumbling, aching teenaged heart and literally given a headache to my sis who had no clue as to why I should play a song infinite number of times when I could listen to other songs too..Well the song was stuck in my head and I was oblivious to the rest of the world.It still makes me smile when I listen to it..

There were others for the trying times too...As typical had studied last minute for the 12th boards but the only thing I wanted to do was Engineering.So then before the start of every exam my stereo played -the chariots of fire theme along with prayers to the deities..Some notion had been stuck in my head,that it would bring me luck and give me strength to write the exam.

Old habits do really die hard sometimes .With me they sure did...atleast the bad ones.With engineering, the exams just got scarier and the songs funnier

Second Sem-- O Paalanahare,tumhre bin hamra kauno nahi (The fourier transforms are scary ,Oh lord help me)

Third Sem -- George Michael --Faith (I must believe I can clear n/ws)

Fourth- I believe I can fly (Yeah please help me with CO)

Fifth -- I guess it was a close call b/w Dream theatre and Aerosmith..By now I had given up hope of being the Engineering Bond and just wanted a Disti degree and a job if I could manage that ,then that would be the biggest achievement :P

Sixth --Mann ki Lagan.Mera mujh mein kuch naahi..Sab kuch ho Tor... Yeah I guess this is self explanatory ;)

Seventh --Mitwa..this one was plain soothing

Eighth -- Too fuzzy to remember but I guess it was Yeh honsla from Dor..N also Golmaal Golmaal ...Everything's gonna be golmaal from Golmaal.. Was too caught up in a project that seemed unfathomable so all of us in the team were worried..okie I admit scared stiff :)

Plus the late nights of alternating Rock and Ghazals to calm ur mind from the day to day hungamas in college..Most of the days u land up in class bleary eyed and grumpy to the core..

Personally ,I don't recommend this method for obtaining Distis in your engg degree.It just doesn't work.U can maybe manage a high first class with that.LOL.See I didn't get one either...

Finally right now as I sit and type this blog ..I hear chariots of fire playing again.Its time for another journey .Dunno where this is gonna lead me this time... But for now, life's background music is playing beautifully and all's well.I just hope it goes on playing forever so beautifully ...

Rainy evenings

What is it about a rainy evening that seems to awaken millons of buried memories in our minds?

Looking out longingly from the window,

Wanting to walk together holding hands with that one person,

Unearthing those memories which we thought had been wiped out years ago,

Wishing that we will see him any moment at the door

Reminding us of that soft forgotten song that still causes an ache in our hearts...

Why do we still look for that familiar face first in our old pictures..

Fingering it softly with our hands in moments of solitude...

Wishing that he was here beside..

A whiff of the rain drenched mud still makes ur heart sing with joy

Children making boats and old couple walking together still tugs at our hearts

Why does that first burst of green on the trees still soothe our tired soul?

Sitting here in my dry cosy room I wonder

What is it about a rainy evening that seems to awaken millons of buried memories in our minds?

Memories of things left behind,

Some buried consciously ,others the handiwork of time,

Somewhere the tiny raindrop

Makes us sit down and ponder...

Causing us sometimes to shed silent teardrops of our own

Healing the scars of time,

Making us more human atleast for a few moments

before we go back to wearing our stoic worldly facades

Hiding the soul away until the next first rains.