Today is just another Wednesday night in Pilani,calm,slightly cool ,filled with the sounds of countless crickets chirping outside.But finally I find myself in front of the comp able to write; after an extended spell of silence.
It has been nearly two months now here in this place, filled all with the 4 Ds-Disbelief,Despair,Disappointment and Delight in very varied proportions( and mind you ;not the right one to my taste)
Disbelief caused by the fact that I finally made it here,this far, to this totally unexpected place that seems so untouched by time.
Delight -which I feel everyday when I see the clock tower and remind myself how lucky I am to be here after the stormy year that went by.
Despair and Disappointment- On most days when I see my Quiz results hitting rock bottom and know how much more harder I would need to work and how much more I need to improve and initially not making it into the coveted IITs or the IISC or on the days that I totally doubt myself.It totally has been a mixed bag of emotions so far.
But what I really want to write about is the question- why is it so hard to express yourself on something that matters a lot to you ? Well the answer to that one is still lost on me.There have been so many times that I have sat right here ,in front of the comp in the past few months trying hard to pen my muddled thoughts down on the page and even now as I type ,I have the urge to do a 'CTRL A' + 'DEL' on the whole post.
Why is it that we can think,dream and live on some thoughts but can then never breathe a word about it?This driven mostly with the feeling that whatever we say or write is never even going to measure up to what we FEEL inside.Even to the extent that the thoughts that drive us crazy inside never even seem to seep out sometimes.Well,all we can do is to try and break the supreme numbing silence inside ...And hope that the words come out in a coherent way...
This post is my attempt to do just that,to take that tiny step forward.....and as I sign off ,I'm just hoping that my gibberish doesn't alarm a lot of people ... n hopefully make atleast a lil sense...
