Breaking the silence......

Today is just another Wednesday night in Pilani,calm,slightly cool ,filled with the sounds of countless crickets chirping outside.But finally I find myself  in front of the comp able to write; after an extended spell of silence.
It has been nearly two months now here in this place, filled  all with the 4 Ds-Disbelief,Despair,Disappointment and Delight in very varied proportions( and mind you ;not the right one to my taste)


Disbelief caused by the fact that I finally made it here,this far, to this totally unexpected place that seems so untouched by time.
Delight -which I feel everyday when I see the clock tower and remind myself how lucky I am to be here after the stormy year that went by.
Despair and Disappointment- On most days when I see my Quiz results hitting rock bottom and know how much more harder I would need to work and how much more I need to improve and initially not making it into the coveted IITs or the IISC or on the days that I totally doubt myself.It totally has been a mixed bag of emotions so far.


But  what I really want to write about is the question- why is it so hard to express yourself on something that matters a lot to you ? Well the answer to that one is still lost on me.There have been so many times that I have sat right here ,in front of the comp in the past few months trying hard to pen my muddled thoughts down on the page and even now as I type ,I have the urge to do a 'CTRL A' + 'DEL' on the whole post.


Why is it that we can think,dream and live on some thoughts but can then never breathe a word about it?This driven mostly with the feeling that whatever we say or write is never even going to measure up to what we FEEL inside.Even to the extent that the thoughts that drive us crazy inside never even seem to seep out sometimes.Well,all we can do is to try and break the supreme numbing silence inside ...And hope that the words come out in a coherent way...


This post is my attempt to do just that,to take that tiny step forward.....and  as I sign off ,I'm just hoping that my gibberish doesn't alarm a lot of people ... n hopefully make atleast a lil sense...

Hope

My soul is dancing like a Dervish,
Spinning in sublime ecstasy,
To the wild rhythm of my throbbing heart
That holds its sway over me....


The last icicles of the long winter of despair have gone
Melted away into the trickling rivers of hope...
The tree of  resilience sprouts new leaves..
Heralding the promise of  beautiful sunny days


Yes,Its finally Spring in my heart....
and I wait now for the flowers of joy to bloom ...

The song of the Seagull

Why does my heart wander about

In quest of the distant pearly shores

With a roving gaze and a restless mind 

forever, I skim the azure skies.....

The burning sun scalding my back 

A broken wing wanting to hold me back

My eye spots the dove's cote below

deceptively inviting in the shade of the mangrove

A longing awakens in my weary breast,

For a warm hearth and a companion heart

Yet deep inside I know this is not to be ..

To fly into the starry heavens is my destiny....

With my heart set on finding the unexplored horizons ,

where unbound waves tumble on stormy ocean shores

and I can fly like the gushing wind -so free...

For a while I perch upon the jagged  rocks ,

feeling the invigorating salty spray of the sea

I dream again of the distant shores....

Of the clear blue sea and smooth golden sands

With a shrill cry,I begin the journey anew..

Flapping my wings I fly afresh

For...my heart is set on the distant shores...

And to fly to them is my destiny ..... 

A good luck charm for happiness... :)

Before I start with the actual post,I want to thank all of you,who have read these random posts and thoughts and given me your honest feedback both positive and negative.There have been a lot more responses than I expected and it has really meant a lot to me..Thank you...

Lately I have been driving myself (and other animals in the radius of a phone call's reach :P ) up a wall.Lots of thoughts constantly running through my head in a really random loopy sequence ..I must add that I'm quite amazed at my increased ability to worry consistently(I'm notoriously inconsistent in everything I do :D) and that of my self esteem  to sink to newer abysmal depths :) 

Anyway the reason I'm writing this here is that somewhere along the way I seem to have lost my 'really happy wild cheshire Cat (crooked toothed) grin' and now I'm missing it badly ...not for its aesthetic value or better put ..the lack thereof :P ....but for what the grin brings with it..the happy flutter in my heart and that amazing 'King of the jungle feeling' .....I'm sure some of you would comprehend what I'm saying cos I think I know a few like me who are also looking for their precious wild cat/animal grins and trying really hard to get it back...This picture above,is for you guys...

Here's the story behind it - I was walking on MG Road today evening,cellphone clutched to my ear busy jabbering ,past this guy who must be in his early thirties sitting on the pavement and sketching with a purpose......with his Legs....He had  no hands ... There he was - someone with limited means for employment and yes definitely not in the best of prosperity...and yet he was doing his bit...sketching for a living and living on his own terms....Quite a picture his life paints for us I must add...

This is the painting I picked from his lot....One of happiness.. A Home for security and trust ,with blooming flowers for happiness ,the tree for its shade in the heat of troubles and the children simply for their enthusiasm to pick up things n try again without the fear of losing...and the open pathway for a free mind and the vibrant colours for a very beautiful life:) By posting this I'm hoping that by looking at this ,whenever  worry lines begin to crease your forehead -you'll take a minute to pause and remember that however bad things may seem there'l always be something you would be able to do to make it better..the gift of touching lives and giving them hope and happiness ,the ability to rise above from your problems and try to stop yourself from worrying your lives away :P...This is my good luck charm to you with the hope that it brings your own grins back and reminds the others who still have theirs to treasure it and keep showing their fangs..oops teeth  :)

So until next time and after that too..Keep Grinning !!:D

New Year's Wishes

Dear Readers ,

       Wishing you a very Happy New year.I know it is a tad late for that but like they say- 'it is better late than never' .

   This is the picture of the Bridge on the River Nethravati taken almost two years ago.This river is the life blood of the city of Mangalore,my Hometown and to me the crossing over of this bridge has always meant - 'coming back home'.Wherever the journey led to or however long it was,when I crossed over, I knew I had returned back to where I belonged.It was the picture I carried with me when I longed for the feeling of comfort in a foreign place and somehow the place, that taught me that I had to travel to other places to see what is in store to know how it feels to come home. 

  So I wish you wherever you are ,I hope you feel at home this year and also that it brings you love from your loved ones and Success in all that you aspire for.Also,there's this urge to write a few blogs on our country-colours,the feel,maybe people-just snapshots of the homeland as I see it.Honestly I do not know to the precise detail,what will be written.That is a surprise,a pleasant one I hope.Well it will not very enlightening or anything too new as my eyes are inexperienced and naive but I do hope I could show you the places around us and how I see it :) 

  So hoping that you will accompany me on this journey.Before we part I just want to greet you again by saying  ' ನಿಮಗೆಲ್ಲರಿಗೂ  ಹೊಸ  ವರ್ಷದ ಶುಭಾಶಯಗಳು '  :)